man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
