who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
