You just made me feel so damn special
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
