Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
