Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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