he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I have post one night stand depression
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
