i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
