Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
