then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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