you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
