I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
