yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
