I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
