I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
