He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
