I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
