Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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