So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
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Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
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wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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