whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
