dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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