I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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