the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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