too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
