My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Randomize
