Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
