also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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