Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
