I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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