i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
