I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize