i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
