apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
