Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
