Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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