My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
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listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
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He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Such a big mess for such a small penis