Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
