is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
