she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
