there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
