got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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