I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
