Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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