Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
