every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
