You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
