Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
