The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
