and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
