He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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