Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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