Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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