She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
