I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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