only you would photoshop your dick
people are starting to question the shark bite story
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
