I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
