I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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