Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
my poor anus
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
