my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Randomize
