Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
