so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
